Dealing with dementia is emotionally draining. That is true for the person in cognitive decline as well as the carer.
The key to coping with dementia and anger outbursts as a carer begins with understanding a little about what happens when someone suffers dementia and how this affects both their moods and behavior.
It is all very well to quote the lyrics of the Beatles song, “All you need is love,” but professional carers and relatives caring for people with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia need a bigger bag of tools to manage the situation.
We hope that the few pointers below will help you, as the primary caregiver, to get a fresh perspective on this complex issue.
1. Get a Firm Understanding of the Disease
Most dementias are memory-related. As the brain starts to struggle more and more with the processing of information, however, mood swings and sudden changes in behavior begin to occur.
These cognitive glitches play havoc with a person’s way of life, their daily routine and complicate their social life beyond repair.
The result is depression. A person with dementia loses the ability to communicate. They lose access to cherished memories and their general ability to function without assistance. This provokes a gamut of emotions from anger to frustration and anxiety.
People with dementia might become suspicious — yes, even with family and spouses they have loved dearly their whole lives — because they find it difficult to understand even the most ordinary of everyday situations.
As a disease, dementia causes people to have fewer inhibitions when expressing their emotions, which leads to angry outbursts or even bouts of laughter.
While behavior and emotions are two different things, they do have a mutually causal relationship. For example, disturbed sleep can cause irritability, while anxiety can bring on behaviors such as hoarding, and induce sleep disturbances.
Remember that all of the above are considered common problems in people with dementia. Just as common is the feeling carers of having of not being able to cope.
It can be overwhelming having to deal with someone who used to be a loving, patient parent, say, who now seems to have changed into a stubborn, angry and confused human being who often behaves like an undisciplined toddler.
2. Patience – Remember Cause and Effect
It takes a great deal of patience, but it is important to take a deep breath and try to understand the underlying cause of aberrant behavior. Observant guesswork is the best way forward.
It is a mistake to try to discuss these observations with the dementia sufferer in any great depth, if at all. What is important is reassure them that things are okay, and they needn’t worry.
Keep a brief diary of strange behavior or angry outbursts, and note after the event the salient reasons.
That way, when you speak to the doctor, your health worker or outside home care, then you can present the latest situation to healthcare professionals. A doctor’s prescription for a mild sleeping pill to treat anxiety caused by restless sleep might make for calmer, happier days for all concerned.
3. Develop a Good Relationship With Your Support Network
As a carer, your family doctor or other professional healthcare worker is part of your support network.
If it is a parent who has dementia, involve your other siblings either in sharing the burden of care or in helping you, as the primary caregiver, to devise coping strategies.
It is at times like these that cooperation between those without dementia is just as crucial as engendering the cooperation of the person with dementia.
4. Carer Awareness That Everyone Is Doing the Best They Can
Be aware too, that all too frequently, a parent with dementia might behave in an uncharitable way to the child who is devoting the most time to caring for them, yet sing the praises of the other, absent child or children who might show little or no interest in caring for them.
As the carer, you cannot take this personally. Do be sure, however, to iron out any differences you might have with your siblings so that you minimize the tension that you bring to the relationship with the parent with dementia.
Do this without the knowledge of the person living with dementia.
None of us are perfect, and none of us ever were. We simply do the best we can.
5. Be Practical About Dementia and Anger Outbursts
People who have dementia live in a confusing world where they get easily frightened. This makes going out or being in a large, noisy crowd especially stressful. It could cause them to act out in public in unpredictable ways.
The other dimension is that at some point along the progression of dementia, the person suffering dementia will become acutely aware of their worsening cognitive ability and lack of functionality.
If they do act out in public, they might feel humiliated and could prolong the aggression for much longer than is necessary.
If at all possible, do not argue with the person having the outburst. Show them that you are listening to them (even if they are not speaking coherently), tell them that you understand, and calmly suggest that you both go home.
There is no need for you to be embarrassed, since awareness about the disease of dementia is spreading, and people are much more understanding than you might imagine.
You can always apologize, if you feel you must, to people disturbed in public later. Focus on your removing your charge from the environment that prompted the outburst and taking them to a place where they can calm down at their own pace.
Another way to deal with this is to avoid crowds and make the home environment as comfortable and as calm as possible. If you do receive visitors, limit the number to one or two, and then for only a short period, such as half an hour.
It is worth noting that someone with dementia is likely to forget about the length of the visit – or the visit in its entirety. You need to be present during such visits and offer your support where required.
6. Break Down Daily Tasks into Manageable Steps
People with dementia find complex tasks involving a series of steps almost impossible to cope with and could have a temper tantrum because of it.
As the carer, try to break down such tasks into steps that are easy to manage. Let the person with dementia focus on achieving one step at a time. When each step is completed, guide them through, or give them instructions for, the next step.
Dementia suffers still feel the need to participate and feel that their involvement counts. Participations, and the sense of being involved. By giving praise and encouragement, you are validating the identity of the person with dementia, which leads them to enjoy themselves for just long enough to forget about being angry.
7. Take a Timeout
As a caregiver, you might have an angry outburst at the suggestion that you take time out for yourself. You won’t be the first. Try to give yourself breaks from caring for the person with dementia.
Your timeout is to recharge your batteries. You begin to do this by reminding yourself that dementia and anger outbursts are not the person with the disease. Rather, they are the symptoms of a disease.
You also take a timeout to pat yourself on the back, put your feet up, and take a short rest.
Do You Need Help?
It can be difficult to care for elderly persons, especially if you are dealing with dementia and anger outbursts. Remember that we cannot serve from an empty cup, so you have to take care of yourself as well.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or starting to experience symptoms of burnout, why don’t you give us a call today? Discover how we can help you and the ones you love who need your help.
Dementia and Anger Outbursts
